I didn't get as many commenters on the Fallen's than I did on the Melbourne's. But thats ok! I am hoping that the people reading are happy with what I am offering them.
Some people say "Its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all." I disagree with that statement. I have loved, yes, but the lost, the lost of losing someone you love is unbearable. My chest aches whenever I think of him... Whenever I think of Heidan.
With the news that I was expecting, that changed everything. I didn't know whose baby I was carrying. It was an utter shock for me. I guess you could say I became even more depressed. But the thought have carrying life couldn't help but bring joy.
Until the nausea hit in. I could barely stand for two seconds without having the feeling to vomit. I just layed in bed all day, and you could say that my positions were something to scoff at.
During my pregnancy I had completely mixed emotions. What if the baby was born with black hair and those green blue eyes? I would love it nonetheless, but would I be... dissappointed? I certainly could be pregnant with either of the men's children.
He was still here. I left him at the house. Hoping that one day, he would return miraculously. But as each day passed, I felt nothing but a whisper of his soul.
My depression had seemed to be turning to an uncomfortable situation. The backaches. Oh, the backaches. If someone ever asks what I don't miss about being pregnant, it would be these aches.
Something to always relieve my stress, and the aches would be fishing. I loved the outdoors. Thankfully I lived right near a public garden.
Sometimes though, the ground would be slippery when I cast the pole and I would slip. I feared for the baby each time and I felt my stomach flutter with a kick. I went to the doctors each time this happened. Everything was fine thank God.
But sometimes... While trying to relax... I felt watched. I didn't know if it was someone or if was Heidan. I hoped it was him I knew he would protect me.
Finally it hit me. I was happy. Or getting happier at least. I wasn't magically recovered from my eternal sadness, but things looked brighter.
I think my little baby enjoyed being with me outside too. I always felt him kicking. I think thats supposed to be a good thing. I can't tell. Sometimes I would catch myself singing while fishing and my stomach would flutter. I would giggle at the tingling feeling.
I went to take a nap that night. Even though I was alone. I didn't feel it. I actually felt.... at peace. Everything was falling into place.
I wasn't sure if I was just eating too much...
...Or if I was just gaining weight from the baby, but I seemed to have put on a few more pounds than usual. And it made me self conscience. I didn't know why. It wasn't like I went out a lot for people to notice.
As the days passed quickly, and the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months I finally reached the middle of my pregnancy. It soon dawned on my that I didn't have ANY clothes or furniture for the baby. I didn't know what I would do since I am financially incabable.
But I just sat and waited for an oppurtunity to come.
It was finally that day. The pain was excrutiating and the backaches felt like nothing now.
When I arrived at the hospital. I stood there. I was going through this alone. There was no one there for me. I took a deep breath and walked in.
When I walked out of that hospital I had become a mother. I had a little baby boy named Rosen. I know its similar to my name, Rose, but I still love it.
A year passed and it was time to celebrate Rosen's birthday.
He was a replica of his father. I stared in awe.
I kissed him goodnight, we had to celebrate alone. No one could make it, of course.
He was very clingy. He was lonely. But he always sought me out for comfort.
And it wasn't until he started to get upset that I realized that he had his eyes. I burst into tears.
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Tada! I think this chapter is much better.... than the last. I really enjoyed writing it. I know this was less drama and more... whining(?) But there wasn't much you could do with a pregnant women who likes to fish ;)
Comment please :)
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